The End Of Men

Lately, I am reading on The Kite Runner, and thinking of how can a lovely neighborhood as Afghanistan could change into such a messy place filled with inhuman-barbaric violence and stupid wars.

Yet, Afghanistan is not the only country who experienced war and suffering from it, unfortunately. The world in general knows war very well. It has gone through ages and experienced a lot of wars.

If we tracking back to the names of who-hold-the-responsibilities (read: trouble maker) for all the famous war ever happened on earth, well here is the list:

1. Wars for power in the Ancient Rome happened in generation initiated by Romulus, Gaius Marius, Julius Caesar, Pompey, Crassus and Octavian –http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ancient_Rome

2. In 1009, Fatimid Caliph al-Hakim bi-Amr Allah ordered the destruction of the Church of the Holy Sepulchre and then Pope Alexander II gave his blessing in 1063 for Christians to battle the Moslems in the Crusade which then last for 200 years.

3. Napoleon Bonaparte invaded Russia

4. On June 28, 1914, Gavrilo Princip, a Bosnian-Serb student and member of Young Bosnia assassinated the heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne, Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria in Sarajevo, Bosnia, which then lead to the World War I.

5. September 1, 1939, Hitler with his crazy Nazi invaded Poland and begun the World War II.

6. Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, who claimed himself as “The Mother of all Battles” invaded Kuwait on August 2, 1990, which then started the Gulf War.

7. George Bush with his “War on Teror” doctrine, initiated the war in Afghanistan and then Iraq.

Can you see the similarity from all of those names? Yes, those are men’s names.

M-E-N.

Well there are numbers of violence done by other men in lot of other parts of the world, including violence done by Taliban to their own Afghan people, violence in South Africa, war in Darfur, and including Majapahit kingdom who invaded Asia back then. But it will be too long to be mentioned here.

I really don’t understand of how human misery always started by men's initiative (except in natural disaster), which I never know whether it is out of his wounded ego or simply madness. And in every war, you can see that the violator (either the aggressor or the defender) are always men. From the top level of politician to the lowest rank of soldier, all are men. And in Africa or Afghanistan, these men make and teach children to kill!!

These men kill, shoot, beat, stab, burn, explode and do a lot more of horrible deeds to their human fellow, for nobody knows what for. And women and children always stuck in the middle of the chaos they have created, as the most suffering victim in this situation.

“EXTINGUIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSHHHH!!!”

Uuurrrggghh, how I want to scream it as loud as possible out of my lung, while I’m spraying infectious viruses around the globe which kill only men.

Don’t blame me to think that as far as men rule the earth, there are no real period of peace, as violence can always be found through “penjajahan ekonomi”, capitalism, corporate takeover, etc, although when there’s NO war. As it is of their destructive nature that they make damages as long as they live. They born with an easily wounded ego. They always need to feel superior, aggressive, always want more and ready to take over everything and possessive.

Hence, men are not important for the future of the human species.

(I am not recommending female ruler right now, it just that tragedy is unavoidable as long as there are men)

“EXTINGUIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSHHHH!!!”

On Saying Goodbye

There are things that hurt which I wish I will never have to encounter:

1. Bad thing happen to my mom/dad/sisters
2. Having a chauvinist as a husband
3. Into labour
4. Getting old and experience paralysis
5. Fell and experience fractures
6. Being kidnapped and tortured alive
7. Live with an ugly face
8. Stabbed by something sharp
9. Bitten by a snake
10. Addicted to drugs
11. My brain stops working
12. ...and saying goodbye

I have lived with these fears haunting me for, well...for 27 years of my life.

Today, at lunch, my editor said something about a death note from Alexander McQueen –that gay designer. He died only a week after his mom passed away. The police found McQueen’s dead body in his own house, hanging inside his wardrobe on 11th February 2010 afternoon. On 3rd February 2010 McQueen tweeted, “I’m letting my followers know my mother passed away yesterday if it she had not me nor would you RIP mumxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx...”

And you know what, if it is true that his reason of ending his life is because of his lost, I don’t think that what he did by ending his own life is too much. I can completely relate.

People said that committing a suicide means you are giving up. But how if there’s no worthy reason of living?? Honestly...how if you are simply hate your life??? And the only thing matter is your mom as she’s the only one that you know will never leave you (as long as she lives)???

I love my family so much and I honestly don’t give as much care to the others. But I know that someday they will leave me. My mom and dad will go to heaven and my sisters will both be with their husbands.

And me???

As I know that I can’t married since I hate the idea of it.
I can’t have and be with my own child as I will never let myself into labour.
I don’t want to grow old, physically degrading and have an ugly face.
I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me and help me for the rest of my life.
I don’t want to say goodbye to persons who are willing to love me without asking of anything in return (read: my parents)
And I can’t die from any mishaps like in my fears number 5,6,8,9,10,11, as long as my parents live, as I know they are going to need me to support them which I am going to do soooo willingly.

But what am I going to do when their gone???
What should I do???
I am deadly serious...what should I do???

Unavoidably Old

I am going to mark this day, as today I gained significant input about my physical outlook.

All my life, I always think that the size of my body and the structure of my face will give me a privilege of time...that I won't get old that fast.

But today i was asked by a very lovely woman, "do you have young children?"

This was a shock.

Speechless ---i was wondering, "Do I look like someone who already have children? Or does she think that i look like someone that should already have older children, so she asked me whether if I have younger ones?”

Whatever this means...for me, this is a sign to prepare for a botox.

TERNYATA GUE PESCETARIAN

Ternyata habit baru yang lagi gw jalani belom sepenuhnya vegetarian. Based on Wikipedia, I am a Pescetarian...

also called pesco-vegetarianism

karena gw masih makan seafood dan produk-produk yang dihasilkan oleh hewan seperti telur, susu, keju, madu.

Jadi veg...eh salah...jadi pescetarian aja udah susah gini, ternyata jadi vegetarian lebih susah lagi.

Makan sayur, kacang-kacangan, umbi dan makan buah terus tiap hari. Terakhir kali, gw makan buah seharian dan malah diare. Terus gw kan ngga boleh nelen sari pati ayam ato sapi ato apalah, jadi makanan gw gak boleh ada masako-nya. Dan setiap ngeliat pop mie, gw selalu ngingetin diri sendiri kalo ITU DILARANG, NGGA BOLEH, hehehe...

Untuk bikin gw tetep di jalur pescetarian, sejak liburan lebaran kemarin gw belajar masak di rumah. Bikin nasi goreng kuning, bikin bolu, bikin bubur sumsum, bikin indomie ngga pake bumbu indomie yang hasilnya caur gila, bikin bola-bola coklat. Sementara kalo bikin telur dadar dan ceplok sih...hah...gampang!!

Nyokab gw bilang, kalo gue bisa masak sendiri, makanan gw justru lebih sehat. Dan karena pescetarian ngga se-strict vegetarian / vegan, nyokab bokap gw masih mendukung upaya disiplin ini.

Kalo gw vegetarian, mereka justru kawatir nasib gw bakal kayak om gw yang pernah niat jadi vegan dan masuk rumah sakit, hahahhaa... Kalo gw bilang sih, itu gara-gara dia kurang strategi aja. Kan ada banyak menu vegetarian, tergantung kita kreatif ato ngga. Cuman berhubung gw belom terlalu jago masak dan bumbu-bumbu yang tersedia di pasaran masih banyak yang dibuat dari saripati ayam, sapi, udang atau ikan, jadi gw pescetarian dulu aja.

Someday kalo gw udah punya uang banyak, gw bakal fokus jadi vegetarian dan sanggup biayain diri sendiri untuk sering makan di Te-He (restoran vegetarian mahal gila) ato bikin variasi makanan vegetarian dengan bumbu-bumbu asli dari tumbuhan (tanpa campuran makhluk hidup di dalamnya) yang sekarang masih susah didapet di supermarket.

Now while I'm a pescetarian, I still definitely have to learn how to be a vegetarian without getting ill, starve, menderita malnutrisi, menderita bosan, dll.


***

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Pescetarianism, also called pesco-vegetarianism, is the practice of a diet that includes seafood and excludes mammals and birds. In addition to fish or shellfish, a pescetarian diet typically includes some or all of vegetables, fruit, nuts, grains, beans, eggs, and dairy. The Merriam-Webster dictionary dates the origin of the term "pescetarian" to 1993 and defines it to mean: "one whose diet includes fish but no meat."^[1]

I AM MY SOUND

U can more or less understand people character from their choice of music. I’ve found these typical…

Classic

This is the sound from those who never take things easy. They think, feel, and see everything with deeper, wider and further sense beyond ordinary. Every of their creation leaves us wondering wow. They are the people we might call genius, gifted, talented…

Jazz

This is the sound from those who appreciate rules, who lives passionately, who are kind, snob in taste, respect discipline and totally embrace their melodious life.

Pop

This is the sound from those who live as lightly as they could…those who we should envy most, those happy-go-lucky people with their have-fun-go-mad spirit mode on. They don’t care if the world calls them common, average, shallow, and maybe…stupid…but hell, just hear their sound, this people know how to get fun.

R&B

This is the sound from those who realize they got HUGE talent in music, who think they have to stand out. These people will aggressively climb for popularity and yeah…don’t get on their cocky way, or their sharp words will kick your sorry little ass out of the way.

Rock

This is the sound from those who feel themselves unheard and misunderstood, those who have so many rage and disappointment inside. Once they let it out, they let it out loud for the world to hear, to see, that they are surviving.

Folk

This is the sound from those who take a really long time to understand and to accept people and circumstances around them. They don’t care if people understand them or not. These people have already fulfilled with themselves, occupied with their own amusing minds, character and personality.

Dangdut

And this is the sound from those who need more education…a lot more of education. Seriously…

Becoming Vegetarian

It has been two weeks and I'm still surviving. Amazingly, this second time around being a vegan feel much more easier than my first time. Last time I was a vegan, I could only hold the discipline for 2 months. :D Now I expect to do this longer and maybe hopefully for the rest of my life.

There's no significant reason why I choose this kind of discipline. I just feel like it. Although deep down, I really wish I could do more like stop smoking, but I guess at least I have to start a discipline from an easier step: don't eat meat. I hope someday, my mind will finally straighten enough and it will call the initiative to stop smoking. So when that time come, I can write this sentence: "I don't know why I choose to stop smoking. I just feel like it." :D

When I write this, I actually am thinking of my cavendish banana in the refrigerator downstairs. I really want to eat it but my stomach is full enough by tempe bacem, hahahhaa...Tantri and Lala hold the effort to make those for "Buka Puasa Bareng" this evening. They're so kind, and I guess they have ready enough to go to the next step becoming a wife and a mom. While I...well I still need to be taken care of somebody. :D

I have great happiness this evening. Maybe this is the reason why I could come up with normal diary-style-writing for this blog right now, not blue poetry like I used to make in my ordinary days. :D

10 minutes meditation

A relationship doesn't need much thought
It doesn't require emotion
But it lives when there are hearts in it
Now I won't ask if you have the gut to have one
cause you certainly has...
...but do you have the heart, Resti?