Monday, April 5, 2010

The End Of Men

Lately, I am reading on The Kite Runner, and thinking of how can a lovely neighborhood as Afghanistan could change into such a messy place filled with inhuman-barbaric violence and stupid wars.

Yet, Afghanistan is not the only country who experienced war and suffering from it, unfortunately. The world in general knows war very well. It has gone through ages and experienced a lot of wars.

If we tracking back to the names of who-hold-the-responsibilities (read: trouble maker) for all the famous war ever happened on earth, well here is the list:

1. Wars for power in the Ancient Rome happened in generation initiated by Romulus, Gaius Marius, Julius Caesar, Pompey, Crassus and Octavian –

2. In 1009, Fatimid Caliph al-Hakim bi-Amr Allah ordered the destruction of the Church of the Holy Sepulchre and then Pope Alexander II gave his blessing in 1063 for Christians to battle the Moslems in the Crusade which then last for 200 years.

3. Napoleon Bonaparte invaded Russia

4. On June 28, 1914, Gavrilo Princip, a Bosnian-Serb student and member of Young Bosnia assassinated the heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne, Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria in Sarajevo, Bosnia, which then lead to the World War I.

5. September 1, 1939, Hitler with his crazy Nazi invaded Poland and begun the World War II.

6. Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, who claimed himself as “The Mother of all Battles” invaded Kuwait on August 2, 1990, which then started the Gulf War.

7. George Bush with his “War on Teror” doctrine, initiated the war in Afghanistan and then Iraq.

Can you see the similarity from all of those names? Yes, those are men’s names.


Well there are numbers of violence done by other men in lot of other parts of the world, including violence done by Taliban to their own Afghan people, violence in South Africa, war in Darfur, and including Majapahit kingdom who invaded Asia back then. But it will be too long to be mentioned here.

I really don’t understand of how human misery always started by men's initiative (except in natural disaster), which I never know whether it is out of his wounded ego or simply madness. And in every war, you can see that the violator (either the aggressor or the defender) are always men. From the top level of politician to the lowest rank of soldier, all are men. And in Africa or Afghanistan, these men make and teach children to kill!!

These men kill, shoot, beat, stab, burn, explode and do a lot more of horrible deeds to their human fellow, for nobody knows what for. And women and children always stuck in the middle of the chaos they have created, as the most suffering victim in this situation.


Uuurrrggghh, how I want to scream it as loud as possible out of my lung, while I’m spraying infectious viruses around the globe which kill only men.

Don’t blame me to think that as far as men rule the earth, there are no real period of peace, as violence can always be found through “penjajahan ekonomi”, capitalism, corporate takeover, etc, although when there’s NO war. As it is of their destructive nature that they make damages as long as they live. They born with an easily wounded ego. They always need to feel superior, aggressive, always want more and ready to take over everything and possessive.

Hence, men are not important for the future of the human species.

(I am not recommending female ruler right now, it just that tragedy is unavoidable as long as there are men)


Thursday, April 1, 2010

On Saying Goodbye

There are things that hurt which I wish I will never have to encounter:

1. Bad thing happen to my mom/dad/sisters
2. Having a chauvinist as a husband
3. Into labour
4. Getting old and experience paralysis
5. Fell and experience fractures
6. Being kidnapped and tortured alive
7. Live with an ugly face
8. Stabbed by something sharp
9. Bitten by a snake
10. Addicted to drugs
11. My brain stops working
12. ...and saying goodbye

I have lived with these fears haunting me for, well...for 27 years of my life.

Today, at lunch, my editor said something about a death note from Alexander McQueen –that gay designer. He died only a week after his mom passed away. The police found McQueen’s dead body in his own house, hanging inside his wardrobe on 11th February 2010 afternoon. On 3rd February 2010 McQueen tweeted, “I’m letting my followers know my mother passed away yesterday if it she had not me nor would you RIP mumxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx...”

And you know what, if it is true that his reason of ending his life is because of his lost, I don’t think that what he did by ending his own life is too much. I can completely relate.

People said that committing a suicide means you are giving up. But how if there’s no worthy reason of living?? if you are simply hate your life??? And the only thing matter is your mom as she’s the only one that you know will never leave you (as long as she lives)???

I love my family so much and I honestly don’t give as much care to the others. But I know that someday they will leave me. My mom and dad will go to heaven and my sisters will both be with their husbands.

And me???

As I know that I can’t married since I hate the idea of it.
I can’t have and be with my own child as I will never let myself into labour.
I don’t want to grow old, physically degrading and have an ugly face.
I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me and help me for the rest of my life.
I don’t want to say goodbye to persons who are willing to love me without asking of anything in return (read: my parents)
And I can’t die from any mishaps like in my fears number 5,6,8,9,10,11, as long as my parents live, as I know they are going to need me to support them which I am going to do soooo willingly.

But what am I going to do when their gone???
What should I do???
I am deadly serious...what should I do???